When Balancing Mamahood With Business,
Makes You Want to Quit
I woke up this morning with 21 tasks on my to-do list. Some of them were tasks for my handmade business {it was going to be a work day}, some of them were tasks for “home”. Some were things I’d marked in red as “must do” and others were just chores that would be great to get done {especially since we’d been sick the week prior}, but if I had to shift them to another day, then I would.
By the end of the day, I had completed a grand total of three tasks. THREE.
These are the days that make me crazy.
The days where expectations, big or small, go right out the window. Simple plans fall into the mud, get stomped on repeatedly & left there.
You’d think after four years of trying to balance mamahood with my business, I’d face these days with more grace & flexibility. Or at least be used to it all by now. But I struggle with it every time.
I’m not good with “change of plans”. When our 4-year old refuses to be left with his cousin and her nanny {so I can get a work day}, I do scoop him up in my arms and tell him he can come back home. But it takes a good hour for the resentment of not getting to tackle that to-do list to settle. After all, it’s not just “fold laundry” items. I’ve made commitments to customers, and don’t want to disappoint them.
I find it even more difficult now that my business is a bit more successful. Hitting the brakes and basically standing still, so that I can give my son the extra cuddles & mama time he’s demanding is a hard transition to keep making.
These are the days when all the negative crap creeps into my thoughts… What if I seriously, just closed up my Etsy shop & business? Wouldn’t it be so much easier or at least waaay less complicated, if I wasn’t trying to juggle making stock for markets, maintain my Etsy shop, grow my social media, and fill custom orders?! All while trying to patiently fit in snuggles and clean up diarrhea!
All the self-doubt comes flooding in… I’ve been plugging away at my business for five years now and have only achieved a small fraction of the “success” that some handmade businesses achieve in a year. Is there really any point in continuing to struggle with my roles of mama vs. business owner? If I pulled out of this community, would anyone really notice?
And that’s where I stop myself.
I remember every single tearful message from my sweet customers. The mama who tells me that their newborn baby, who’s been in the hospital for months, has had one of my Love Catchers hanging in her hospital room as a reminder of the love of family & friends. The mama who tells me that her unborn baby has been diagnosed with a severe heart defect, but that she’s going to hang a Love Catcher in her nursery as a reminder of their hope. Or the mama who tells me that she’s recently had a miscarriage and wants a Love Catcher to honor that lost little angel.
That’s it. That’s what I needed to stop the flood of crappy thoughts trying to take over my entire day, ruin the time I DO have with my son. Drown me in fear, failures and doubts.
Remembering why we make what we do,
is how we keep on going.
I remember why I sit there hand stitching lace hearts into hoops most evenings after Sam goes to bed. Big or small, I make a difference.
I pick myself up. Dust myself off. Pour a glass of wine. Yes, I’m writing this day “off”. No, I didn’t get any more tasks done. And I’m ok that.
Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s be honest, I still might not get through all 21 tasks. And it will probably still be a struggle to be both mama & business owner. But the struggle is worth it.
Great post Sarah! I also find it hard to juggle everything from my small business and being a mum, with my second due any day now. At first it was incredibly hard for me not to look at my ‘To-Do’ list and feel like a complete failure. But now I have learned to accept what gets done or most often not done in a day. I’m hoping this attitude change will help me get through doing it all again. Just keep at it! You’re doing a great job.
First off, I’m so excited for you and your new little one, Trish! I’m sure it will be another learning experience and more juggling. I’m glad you’ve mostly found a good comfort with what gets done or not done in your day. It can definitely be tricky to figure that out & roll with it.
I love your story! this is so me too! I have at least 21 things to do it seems EVERYDAY and I rarely get them all completed… sigh. Inch by Inch we can make it through! (and maybe with the help of some wine… hehe) I’m so glad you shared your experience! Mental Health is not always easy to open up about! I’ve yet to really open up about mine, but I get a little more courage when I read someone else has done it, so I can too! 🙂
I’m glad this encouraged you a bit, especially in opening up about mental health struggles. It’s taken me years to be really honest, with myself & others. I learn every day again, that it’s ok not to be ok. And you’re right, inch by inch we make our way through.
Awesome post Sarah!
I’ve had an Etsy shop for 7 years and I understand your pain. Currently I juggle 3 jobs (3 of which are Etsy based) plus staying home full time with my kids. I feel guilty all the time that I’m not doing enough with them and that I’m missing things but the reality is when I wasn’t working I was miserable. I need both to be a happy fulfilled person and I think my kids and I are better for it. I like that my kids see me working and being creative and I try and make a conscious effort to stop and have quality time especially on weekends when my husband is home too.
Don’t even get me started on housework and the kids schedules. I spend a good portion of my days trying to organize the mass amount of stuff in our house as well as juggle the kids schedules. With 3 kids, 2 of which are in school and all of them with different interests and activities it’s a full time job just keeping on top of all that! It’s definitely a struggle, you are not alone and you would be greatly missed if you “closed up shop” but I do understand fully what you’re saying! It’s hard and each day is totally different from the last. Like I said, I feel your pain and if you ever need to send me a message that just says “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I’ll totally get it! : )
Thanks for sharing this!
Lindy
Oh Lindy! You’re a super-mom! Sometimes I feel silly because we’ve only got one kid to deal with, but then I remember that we’re all on our own journeys. None of them look the same. I love your attitude about having your kids see you work & create. I think it is a really important part of our creative life. Nothing picks me up more, then when Sam tells me one of my Love Catchers is really beautiful or when he enjoys just looking at them all hanging in the sewing room.
For my own brain, I wish there was a more clear-cut mama-time vs. work-time. It gets pretty blurry and I find the transition hard, but also realize we’re lucky to have all these things to balance.
Thanks for sharing, Lindy!
Today I asked my 8 year old son to clean his room and clean his bathroom. His response was his typical (in the whiny sniveling nails on chalkboard tone of voice), “Why do you make me do everything?! I do more than you do around the house!” To which I sat him down on the stairs, and counted on fingers all the jobs he had to do…we counted about 6. Then we counted mom’s jobs…we counted 68!!!!! Then he did the math. ‘You do 11 times 6 more jobs than me!’ Ah huh! Then I went away feeling proud of myself for once, for not losing it as I normally do when he makes such comments.
I totally resonate with your post Sarah! Despite the fact that I say to myself “people who come over to my house, are just going to accept me for me, not my mess and chaos”, I still fall into the big fat comparison LIE of telling myself “I wish I were more like ‘her’ (whoever she may be that day)”. It never stops. The wanting and the wishing to have a clean and tidy company ready at anytime house, having dinner planned before six oclock, and to be in the van five minutes before we need to leave – calm cool, collected, having forgotten nothing! It’s overwhelming and it feels lonely! I feel like I’m the only mom who doesn’t have it together.
Thank you for sharing your struggles and starting the conversation that I think most moms can relate too!