You either get sick of drinking lemonade or
choose to stop seeing things as lemons to begin with.
On the outside, I live a fairly average life. Married. One child. A cat. A house. Stay-at-home-mom. Introvert. Passion for all things crafty & creative. Learning to be a green-thumb. Dive one layer deeper and you discover that I have a very close relationship with my family, keep a small, but tight group of friends, and struggle with all the insecurities & worries that come with being a parent.
Keep going deeper… you learn that both my hubby & I balance our own small businesses, along with that close knit relationship with our family. We’re working on making our big, long-term dream of living on a farm a reality. We have a passion for happy, healthy, locally produced food and a desire to share that with everyone we meet.
Dig deeper… I’ve struggled with the health complications of massive uterine fibroid growths since 2009. Had one, highly invasive, major surgery to remove them. Except they grew back and are now bigger than before.
Keep going deeper… I started my crafty business in 2011 after being laid off from my job in Calgary’s creative tech sector. That same year I finally found myself pregnant for the first time, but sadly miscarried. A couple months later my mom was diagnosed with cancer. A week later I was pregnant again. Five months after that, my oldest brother died.
Even deeper… I witnessed & experienced the heartache of watching my oldest brother struggle with the ugly disease of alcoholism for over a decade. More heartbreaking as each year passed. I’ve gone through the uncertainty of being able to have children (going through it again as we try for baby number 2). I’ve watched my parents suffer the terrible loss of a son (it’s burned into my eyes & heart). I’ve also been watching my mom courageously battle cancer for almost four years now. The joyous birth of our own son in 2012 was seen as a huge beacon of light in my family, after much darkness.
Deeper still… my mom isn’t winning her battle with cancer. This past year her physical & mental health has declined greatly. No more chemo treatments now. Doctors just want to make her as comfortable as possible, for however long she has left. And so, after well over a decade of “lemons” being dealt our way, we go into 2015 with this very real possibility, that it will be the last year I spend with my sweet mom.
Maybe not quite such an average life after all.
A lot of people will read everything above (and even below) and question our sanity. Some might be able to relate to a few of the life challenges we’ve walked through. And I’m hoping, that others will see it the way I struggle to see it every day; a blessed life.
Dig deep to my core… you will find my belief in God, in Jesus, in the Holy Spirit. THIS is what keeps telling me to stop seeing things as “lemons”. I truly live a very blessed life. If there is one thing that I can walk into the future with, it is an appreciation for God’s timing, right down to every heartbreaking moment. I will trust in Him. Oh, how I WILL trust in him.
But you caught that part about it being
a struggle every day, right?
Every. Day.
I am by no means running through each day with the wind blowing in my hair, a smile plastered to my face, while I belt out praises and love with grace. I’m just a woman balancing her roles of mama, wife, daughter, sister, and now auntie; wanting to hold my family so close, but knowing I will have to let go one day. I love as best I can. I’m learning to forgive and ask forgiveness. But the greatest challenge of all, is learning to be thankful even in the darkest hours.
It’s how I’m starting to see things, not as lemons, but as part of His blessings. I can’t worry about what tomorrow or next month will bring, but only hope that I come right back to reading this post if I begin to see those “lemons” rolling my way. It’s mostly a reminder for me. I would love if it were a reminder for you too.
Beautiful. Sarah, you are strong, with a strength that comes not from yourself – the best kind. What a good reminder to look for ways to be thankful. Every. Day.
Donna, it is definitely a strength that does not come from myself. Thank you for recognizing that. Thank you too, for taking a moment to read & comment.
that’s a wonderful way to turn those thoughts around. You caused me to stop and think here. Thank you for that.
I wish you all the best and hope your dreams come to fruition.
Thank you, Norma. I’m glad it gave you a bit of pause. I am certainly not alone in life struggles. We all have them and I think it is a gift to share our own stories.
The more I get to know you the more I realize how strong you are.
Thank you, Hilda. That brings a tear to my eye. I really don’t think of myself as “strong”…
Sarah. This is beautiful. And vulnerably. And incredibly moving. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing your heart. And for pointing our eyes to our Heavenly Father. You are living a testament to Him, for His glory and solely on His strength and grace.
A verse that I re-discovered in the Message has been blowing my mind a bit these days and very much aligns to what you are speaking about and experiencing:
Matthew 6:34 {The Message (MSG)}
34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
Much love and continued prayers.
love, shauna
Thank you for sharing that verse, Shauna. Very appropriate. I have rescheduled & postponed publishing this post for almost two months now. I couldn’t figure out exactly why I was so nervous, but I think it was the vulnerability in writing & sharing it. It’s easy to write about all the “good stuff”, but you really put yourself out there once you start talking about the “not so good stuff”. But I need this post as a reminder for myself!
Hi Sarah,
I’m sorry to hear how much you and your family have had to go through! Even one of those things is too much. It takes an amazing amount of strength to power on and see the positive amongst all the stress and worry! Thank you for sharing! I love how you’ve written this post! I wish you and your family all the best!
Thinking of you! – Lindy
Lindy
Thank you for taking a moment to read & comment, Lindy. Means a lot.
Sarah,
You are strong. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate how hard it is to be so open and you have given me lots to think about in my own life. Take care of each other. I’ll be thinking of you 🙂
Thanks so much for reading Sandra.
Dearest Sarah …ah I am at the same party as you ..it is so hard to watch our Moms slip away …I have also wondered why me ??? asked God why always me ?? ..thank you I know I am not alone ..each day I am blessed with love from my sweet baby girls which has kept me going through all of this ..may God hold you up and give you courage to continue and stand strong beside your Mom !! love & light to you !!
xo
Melissa
I haven’t read anything this revealing in awhile – People (bloggers) tend to put on a smiley face all the time. It’s nice to read (and share) that things are not always rosey. I love your perspective on life and how you view it. Thanks for writing this.
Trying to keep the “smiley face” on all the time on the blog & elsewhere in life is, well, exhausting. I’m glad you appreciate the honesty. I really want to share a much more “whole” view of our lives which includes good times, bad times and everything else in between.